From my dad:

If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left. With Fannie Mae, you’d have $2.50 left of the original $1000. With AIG, you’d have less than $15 left. But if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all the beer, then turned in the cans for the recycling refund, you’d have $214 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily. It reduces anxiety too. Even better to buy in a state without a deposit and then return them into a state with a deposit refund.

I think he might be on to something…